LOST IN SPACE-THE ANDROID MACHINE

LOST IN SPACE --THE ANDROID MACHINE

WRITERS-BOB AND WANDA DUNCAN

DIR-DON RICHARDSON

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, we left Dr. Smith peacefully dozing while on a field trip with Will, Penny, and the Robot. All were unaware that nearby lay a machine capable of producing incredible, metallic creatures from another world.

 

TEASER-Fully recapped—however, Smith says something here he did NOT say in the teaser from last week. He’s half asleep or asleep and waving off a fly or some bug that is flying or he thinks is flying. The bug is NOT seen. He hits his own ear and wakes up and says, “I’m innocent.” None of that was in last week’s teaser cliffhanger! The scene then continues where the cliffhanger last week started as the Robot, Penny and Will enter from the right, behind his bed of rock.

 

Robot teaches Will and Penny lessons. "The plants on this planet do not follow the Earth method of transpiration. This plant, similar to an Earth cactus needs no moisture at all."  Smith, laying nearby against a rock, calls the Robot a tiresome thesaurus--and wonders why the Robot was chosen as their teacher when he is available. Penny and Will tell him he is supposed to be quiet when the Robot is teaching. Smith gets up and moves off, going to another area--where he finds a tree (blue trees and bushes) covered rectangular alien machine. Penny looks, "Where'd Dr. Smith go?"  Will says, "Search me."  Penny moves off to find him as he experiments with the machine which he thinks is a painting device, showing pictures on a screen. Robot and Will come. Robot warns, "Alien transpiration machine. Do not touch it!"  Smith tells him to be quiet, calling him a gregarious gremlin. Smith presses a button to print the picture. Lightning and thunder come out of no where. Penny, followed by Will and Smith run to a rock as blasts occur and smoke hits the rock. A blast occurs and a silver dressed, silver skinned female humanoid figure appears--robotic and android-like, hands up--in a tube device. The Robot computes her as an android--a machine but there is an element which does not compute. Penny is the first to speak to her as the tube opens and her eyes do as well. She says her name is Verda and she is tuned to Smith's psychic frequency. Smith calls her an unearthly creature and tells her to stay away from him, "Stay away from me, Madam!"   Verda moves at him, "I am yours--forever."

 

ACT ONE   

Judy (her hair in a braid) goes to the drillsite where Don and John are, telling them about the android. They tell and show her a cave where a nocturnal monster lives--telling her to warn the others not to come near this area--they haven't had a chance to hunt it down yet--and if it doesn't bother them they are not going to bother it. It has three toes. Judy leaves, they put up a sign about the area being off limits. John tells them they have three canisters and need five for blast off. Don says, "That old magic number, five again."  John wants Don to set the drill on auto--he wants to take a look at the android. Verda, in the control room explains about herself--model RDS remote unit made by the Andromedan civilization. Verda asks to go--she must prepare a footbath for Dr. Smith. After she goes, Maureen says she seems pleasant to have around even if she gives a strange appearance. Judy figures a little makeup should take care of that. Maureen tells John she is very good with the children. John worries someone may come demanding payment for her but he doesn't think she is dangerous. Verda's left hand heats Smith's foot water; her right hand cools it. Smith fans himself as Verda admires a flower of which there are none on her planet. By mistake, she freezes Smith's foot water. Verda follows Smith later. There is an octopus like tree they pass. They overhear a lesson from the robot. Penny and Will sit at tables and Robot uses a map on a blackboard just outside the spaceship and explains about Columbus on October 12th, 1492. Smith calls the Robot a pedagogical pipsqueak and ignominious ignoramus, claiming Columbus found America in 1493, even coming up with a Smith rhyme to back this up. Smith will have to rewire the Robot. Will says, "Dr. Smith..."   Smith says, "Don't try to defend him, William..."   Robot makes a wager--Dr. Smith will sit in class and keep quiet if he is wrong. Smith calls him a jangling junkheap, then tries to con Verda into proving it was 1493 but she claims it is 1492. He calls a perfidious creature. She says, "I am not programmed to lie."  Verda then tells the Robot she is a 56 Tauron computer while he is an analog and digital computer with no intergalactic history (NOTE: In future episodes, he seems to have intergalactic information). Verda asks if he can teach Androbedian geometry, the calculus of Orion, the anti gravity theory of Deemus (accompanied by extremely silly music!). Verda takes the Robot's pointer, now teaching the children. Smith sleeps. Robot leaves. Verda points to the blackboard map and makes the universe appear, moving star systems and all. The first creature to leave his home skies for the unparalleled skies of the universe was the explorer Formaral of the 5th planet of Orion, a small planet. The people there told him he would be eaten by the monsters in space and that his rocket would never escape the pull of gravity of their world. In the 6000th year of his planet--while it was still autumn, he took off in a spaceship of his own making. He was not as fortunate as the Earthling's Columbus. Judy comes out and sees this, calling mom to; telling her Verda is teaching them the history of the universe. Maureen says, "Oh yes,"  as if she knows all about it! ? Judy wonders--shouldn't they learn about the Earth first? Maureen says, "No, Judy, I think perhaps she's right-the Earth is a small place and very far away-this is the world in which the children are growing up--perhaps they should learn about this place first."  Night--Smith and Robot go to the machine near the rocks. Smith says, "For once, my bosom companion, I find that we can agree on something."  Robot and Smith conspire to dispose of Verda. Robot tells Smith the Robinsons would take Verda when they leave this planet which would mean they would need more fuel. Smith doesn't think so but then realizes the Robot is right--the Robinsons would take her. Smith plays with the machine to try to send her back but on the screen appears a fly-man, humanoid, bent legs and two heads. Robot stops the device before the monster appears. He talks loud. Smith calls him a bellicose bumpkin and to be quiet. Smith leads him to the cave where John's sign: DANGER-STAY CLEAR OF THIS AREA is. Robot warns him but Smith calls him a nervous ninny. He thinks it is just an overgrown groundhog to emphasize John and Don's bravery (INDEED!). Smith finds three unusual plants and places them in line with the cave, each getting progressively closer. He wants to show Verda that she has not come to a paradise and wants to frighten her. He will talk her into taking the children on a nature walk. The green crusty skinned monster with large red glowing eyes, fins, and a large cranium comes out of the cave toward Smith. Robot yells, "Danger!"  about four times. Smith screams and falls.

 

ACT TWO

Robot blasts the monster and it runs away. Smith awakens and Robot helps him up, "Are you alright?"  Smith calls him a floundering flunky, then tells him he pushed him. Morning--John, Don, and Maureen eat a mushroom breakfast. Smith hears his name being bandied about and comes out--he missed breakfast; Maureen notes he looks pale. Smith claims it is due to his serving his fellow castaways. He eats mushrooms and eggs. Maureen tells him the children are transforming Verda now. Smith feels she can only go from dismal to disaster. Penny and Judy in their cabin, have makeup on Verda, who wonders if Dr. Smith, her master, will appreciate it. Penny says, "I'm not sure that he'll ever be appreciative of anyone."  She shows Verda her face in mirror. MR. NOBODY music. Judy says, "You are one of us, Verda,"  when Verda comments she almost looks like one of them. She is unit 12-RDS, worth 100 calastros. Smith is ready to go to his hydraulic experiment. Judy and Penny bring Verda out (the ramp looks a bit different-more height to it maybe); Smith tells Maureen androids don't eat--they take on fuel. Smith takes Verda off with him. Maureen says, "You know, she doesn't look any different at all to me."  Judy says, "Well, we tried, mother."  Smith and Verda arrive at the water device. Smith calls Robot a ponderous plumber. He is designing a device to get pure water from a rock. Smith goes on about how hostile a planet this is and that she should feel fear and want to return to her former place. She is not programmed to feel fear but has a self preservation circuit. Smith suggests  Verda take the kids on a nature walk but warns her about the loathsome creatures that abound here. Verda tries to help with the water problem and makes water, accidentally, pour out onto Smith foot. He empties his boot, "You've done it again, madam."  Robot laughs. Later, Verda has the children on a nature hike. She makes a flower which is very small--so small it cannot be seen by human eyes--appear larger--magnified for Will and Penny to see. Will laughs and Penny too. They explain laughing to her. She puts the flower back to the way it was before, "To keep the beauty of nature, one must never change it."  SPACE CIRCUS  "sensitive" music. Penny explains the word happy to Verda and she asks which muscles they use to laugh. They find Smith in a costume--with a hat which cannot come off his head--a kind of THREE MUSKETEERS outfit. Penny laughs and asks if he is going to a costume party. Smith says, "Certainly not, missy!"  Smith leads the three toward the cave area with a point of his finger. Robot warns him after they go--they will be in extreme danger, "I will go with them."  Smith stops him, calling him a simple simon, Verda can take care of herself--she has powers. He doesn't know this for sure. Verda tells the kids that she has made a study of the flowers on this planet---they live on air alone. Penny and Will warn her about what dad said about the creature that lives in this cave. It comes out as she gets too close to the last flower planted by Smith. The monster confronts her. She faces it and blocks it from the kids, "Run children! Run!"  Penny runs, Will, a bit behind her, follows! Verda faces the monster as it comes out further!

 

ACT THREE

Penny and Will run to Don and John at the drillsite. Will says, "The monster's got Miss Verda, dad!"  They bring John and Don back to the cave area. "Verda, get back!"  John yells, firing his laser rifle and making the monster vanish in a blast and a pop. John, Penny, Will, and Don move down the hill to Verda near the cave entrance. Verda doesn't understand sacrifice but seems to be starting to. John is grateful for what she did. Verda feels strange but tells John, "Yes, I'm alright."  Penny tells them Dr. Smith said it would be all right to come here. Smith removes a feather from the hat, calling Robot a defective detective. Two buttons order the merchandise, pushing three might make the merchandise be sent back or removed. Smith tries it. A voice says his complaint is received. Lightning and wind hit as a spaceship seems to be approaching. Robot says, "Warning! Alien spacecraft approaching!"  Smith yells, "What have you got me into now?"  Robot says, "Warning! Alien spacecraft landing!"  A giant elevator on a podium appears--it is elevator 4823 level, three millionth galaxy. The complaint manager for CDS-celestial department store 17 is here--Zumdish, a small man with a pencil moustache and a seemingly friendly but sneaky smile, a tie and tails. Smith calls his name an odd one. Zumdish drops his smile, his ears move as he explains the problem. The vending machine is outmoded. Zumdish makes Smith's own clothes appear and the costume vanish. Smith wants to complain about Verda, "SOME TIME AGO, I ordered an android..."  Zumdish calls her Model 1-65-8. He is here for the credit department to pick up the bill for Verda--100 celestials ($89.95). Collection from this planet is difficult. Smith will not pay. The security guard, a great big, stocky bald man in suit, pushes his hand on Smith's shoulder, making Smith go down and up. Zumdish says, "Shame on you."  He looks at the Robot and calls it primitive. The Robot's bubble goes down. Robot tells Zumdish that Verda took his pointer as Smith explains that Verda is defective. When Zumdish demands a look at her, Smith leads the two aliens to the Jupiter, mocking the Robot, "Pointer indeed!"  John and Maureen are at table just in front of the door--they have four canisters of fuel and need one more. John says, "That's right, one more and we're on our way to Alpha Centauri."  Maureen asks John who is going to the drillsite to tell Judy and Will to get home before dark. When John spots Zumidish and Smith arriving with the Security Guard and Robot, he tells her to take the fuel inside and tell Penny and Verda to stay inside. Zumdish clicks his heels together when he meets John, who has a laser rifle ready. John asks Smith, "What're you up to now, Smith?"  Zumdish warns John he is in no position to do anything--and as for the Robot---his kind were melted down by his people a century ago. John will let Zumdish examine her but the Security guard stays outside. Zumdish agrees and when they go, the Robot says, "Melted down---IN...DEED."  In the control room, Zumdish examines Verda. John snaps at Smith to wait outside when Smith keeps trying to sway Zumdish. Zumdish agrees with Smith--she is shoddy. He will take her back to the salvage department and her circuits will be used in models--she will be taken apart! Penny gasps, "No, I won't let you!!!"  John and Maureen send her to her cabin. John wants to leave Verda here for now--he wants time to talk it over with the rest of the family and decide. Zumdish says, "With one wave of my hand, I can have this ship disintegrated."  John says, "You might but we're still gonna discuss it."   Zumdish gives him five minutes the end of which they are ordered to... "Deliver the android to me or be destroyed."   Zumdish laughs and goes out, "Dee..stroyed."  Maureen watches him go, "Oh, John, do you really believe that HE can destroy the spaceship?"  John says, "Welp, it's quite possible."  She asks, "Then what are you going to do?"  John says, "I don't know--I honestly don't know."  Zumdish looks at his watch as they look out at him.

 

ACT FOUR

John and the others talk in the Control Room. John tells Don to let Smith talk his piece. Will wants to trade something for her--detronium's the universal currency he thinks. Judy and Penny agree. John lets them know what they are asking, "We're within one canister of blasting off this planet--if Zumidish accepts our offer, we may never leave this planet."  Smith argues, telling them Verda isn't even human. Maureen says, "I'm not so sure of that..."  Verda is crying. Don thinks they should put it to a vote. All vote for keeping Verda and trading the fuel...except Smith. Even the Robot puts up a claw and arm. Smith goes past him, "You traitor!"  He walks out a door behind the Robot. John takes the detronium box with cans in it out to Zumdish, telling him they like her as she is. He offers one can of detronium but Zumdish, sampling it, deems it crude and it would have be refined 100 times before he could use it. John trumps up with two cans. Zumdish seems about to accept when Maureen runs out, telling him Penny and Verda are gone, "Penny was so afraid they'd take Verda away."  They went out the escape hatch, one the viewers never see. As Don comes out with laser rifles, John and he take off; Maureen is told by Zumdish his security guard is designed to track androids. Zumdish pops his hand over his open mouth and the guard runs off. Zumdish tells John, as they search, that the guard is not programmed to fight unless attacked. Don joins up with them. Penny and Verda hide behind a large rock. Verda asks if all humans are like Penny and her family. Penny answers, "Yes, I'd say so, just about."  Verda comments, "Then I think it would be very nice to be human."   Penny throws a rock at the shoulder and back of the guard, who turns and fires a laser beam from his index finger, blasting at the rock. Penny asks if she can do something, Verda says, "She's just a machine."  Penny insists, "But you're not just a machine, you're not!"  Verda attacks the guard with a rock in her hand. Zumdish stops her and the guard. John calls, "Penny!"  Penny calls, "Here daddy--I'm all right."  Verda tells Zumdish she does many things she never was programmed for and demands he will not take their fuel from them. She tells him she will go back with him, she doesn't want to stay here anymore. John tells him a deal is a deal, "Can't you see what she's doing?"  Zumdish goes on and on. John asks, "Zumdish, what are you talking about?"  Zumdish tells them she is really a deluxe model 77, close to human now, and much wanted and needed throughout space. She will not be brought to the scrap heap. Verda and the kids declare their love for one another. Zumdish says, "Love hah!"  Verda tells them, "I'd love to stay but there are many places where I am needed more and you're going to be leaving this planet soon."  Don wonders about who to punish Smith--have him drawn and quartered or boiled in oil. John thinks it would be interesting either way. Penny laughs. We hear a brief bit of Chariot music. Smith has the Robot pulling the machine away. Robot tells him, "It does not belong to you."  Smith declares he is only borrowing it, "By ordering more Verdas and training them as I did the first one..."  he plans to make a 900 dollar profit as well as "helping"  Mr. Zumdish. At the elevator ship, (elevator ship, indeed!), Zumdish is curious about losing a machine. Don looks about, knowing it was Smith. John says, "Don't worry, Mr. Zumdish, we'll get your machine back for you."  Zumdish is not worried--he's just never had one stolen before. He snaps his fingers and the machine appears near them in a blast--Dr. Smith's face on the screen, cartoon like. Maureen asks, "Is he alright?"  Zumdish says, "Yes,"  and tells them they should order him if they want to keep him, before someone else from some other planet orders him. Verda tells the kids goodbye, she loves them both and that they can visit her someday. Will says, "Goodbye,"  as hugs them both. Penny looks at her one last time and says, "Verda, goodbye."  Verda blows a kiss to her and leaves. Will and Penny run as the elevator blasts off, smoke and all. Don jokes but with Judy lets Smith out. A human board and tube appear, with Smith in it. Smith looks at Judy, "Hello."  He dreamt he was merchandise. Don says, "Oh sure, Smith, in the bargain basement."   Smith complains that his barbs will never hurt him. He moves off and the others all laugh--a bit too much. It's not that funny. So there.

 

CLIFFHANGER: High on a cliff overlooking the back of the Chariot, Will goes up to Dr. Smith and the Robot. He hands cutters to Smith at the weather station on the plateau. Smith cuts the wire and throws the tool. Robot warns he did not fix the wires of the sensitizer. Smith tells him it is perfect and they pick up the tools. Will says, "Oh, hi dad."   "Hello son,"  John comes up, "Welp, how's it going, Smith?"  Smith is ready to relay it to the Jupiter II and pushes it, having the honor of doing this by John. It blows up a bit--Smith leans on the Robot (this shot was used by Ted Turner's TBS station in the mid to late 1980s as a still to promote the show). Robot warns, "Attention! Attention! Alien approaching!"  A very large man, a veritable giant Smith says, walks to the area from another way. He is wearing a two piece outfit with his stomach bare, sleeveless top tunic and folds his arms. John looks, "He doesn't seem hostile. Let's find out what he's doing here."  Smith wonders, "We've had experience with these strange space creatures before you know."  (Not sure which aliens he is referring to but see the note below under THE DEADLY GAMES OF GAMMA SIX referring to Barney Slater's THE SKY IS FALLING, THE CHALLENGE, and FOLLOW THE LEADER). Will says he probably doesn't understand us. John moves to offer his hand--that's the universal gesture of peace and friendship. Smith says, "Oh, it's an excellent idea."  The giant man pulls John down and they fight low to the ground. The fight escalates upward. Smith gasps and pulls Will to the front of him. John ends up throwing the man down the hill. Will yells, "Dad lookout!"  Another giant man, similarly dressed, comes running to him and picks John up bodily over his head, ready to toss him!

 

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK SAME TIME SAME CHANNEL          

 

REVIEW: A mediocre script with just enough silliness to make it somewhat mundane but with enough clever sentimentality to make it better than most of the other second season episodes not to mention a great deal of third season episodes too. Dee Hardford as Verda plays it straight, almost completely and her transformation is believable as she is exposed to both the Robinsons' love and Smith's frailties. Smith is quite the villain at times again--deliberately making Verda and the kids run into the monster. Zumdish is at his most diabolical, a bit over the top but not so much that his menace cannot be believed. He is quite fun and will return in THE TOYMAKER and the awful TWO WEEKS IN SPACE (a  contender for one of the worst LOST IN SPACE episodes--right down there with THE SPACE VIKINGS). Another toy machine would return in THE TOYMAKER and the Security Guard would return in THE TOYMAKER as well. Verda would return, more humanized, in REVOLT OF THE ANDROIDS. The entire talk about the Robinsons leaving the planet as  a group in the Jupiter II was a bit of a ruse really--they wouldn't be leaving for another 23 episodes. In the third season, THE CONDEMNED OF SPACE, the Jupiter II lifts off to avoid a comet hitting the planet. In the viewmaster reel of CONDEMNED OF SPACE, it was noted that the planet was destroyed by the comet (and Tiabo as well??? One can but hope). In any event, the spaceship would not be in any shape to lift off until CAVE OF THE WIZARDS and then they had to have a "window"  to lift off through. Why? Other things just don't make sense. How come Maureen seems to know what the history of the universe is as Verda teaches it? Perhaps finding that last canister of fuel would hinder the Robinsons' leaving as the drillsite is seen in THE QUESTING BEAST. THE ANDROID MACHINE is a good watch but not as thrilling as other episodes. Yet, it is memorable and gentle--except of course, that John lasers a poor cave creature to oblivion.