LOST IN SPACE-THE GOLDEN MAN

 

THE GOLDEN MAN

WRITER-BARNEY SLATER

DIR-DON RICHARDSON

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, Will, Major West, and Professor Robinson had gone off on an expedition, leaving Penny and Dr. Smith to investigate a strange, alien spaceship.

 

NOTE: The narration is, in a sense, wrong. We were not shown the men leaving on an expedition, in fact, I doubt that it was even mentioned in the cliffhanger with Penny and Smith...and certainly the men wouldn't have LEFT Penny and Smith to face a strange alien spaceship...

 

TEASER-NOT fully recapped and also has some brief dialogue and scenes rearranged...

 

Smith and Penny are behind a rock, facing a strange bubble like space craft around its bend. The craft has some kind of fungus or plant like appendages over the top--almost like a lily pad (hint, hint). A bubble shaped glass like substance covers the interior, which is visible but still difficult to make out what it is that is inside. Devices are coming out of the spacecraft side! Smith gasps, "He's going to fire! No! NO!!"  The cannons fire a blast! "I have given you warning,"  A deep voice warns, "Come no closer."  When Penny tells him they are friends, the voice says, "I have no friends." NOTE: This is a reworking of some of the dialogue which took place before the blast in the last week cliffhanger. Now, it some of it is repeated but after the first warning blast. Penny says, "We're from the planet Earth."  The voice, a somewhat human like dark figure inside going along with it, does not care and only wants them to go away. Even Smith tries to be friendly but when the alien continues to mean, Smith says, "Indeed,"  and tries to get Penny to leave. Penny says, "I don't know how it is in your world but in ours people are kind and friendly."  The alien knows of her world and claims it is inhabited by "stupid and avaricious people."  Penny yells, "That's not so!"  She also claims, "We have as much right to stay here as you!"  The alien counts and tells them to leave. They run as he fires blasts after them. Night--Judy and Maureen set up light devices and the forcefield. Judy thinks they are wasting their time--if the alien really wanted to hurt Dr. Smith and Penny he had the opportunity to. Maureen agrees but feels this gives Dr. Smith a sense of security, so they'll humor him. Smith comes out and Maureen tells him she thinks he is being a bit overcautious. Smith tells her he has a sixth sense about these things--he can feel it in the very marrow of his bones. Maureen says, "Are you sure it isn't just a slight touch of arthritis?"  Smith says, "This is hardly the time for humor madam."  He goes on saying he feels he has been left in charge since the other male members of this party have gone off. Maureen says, "John has left me well equipped to take care of us all, Dr. Smith."  REALLY? REMEMBER THE FIASCO THAT WAS ONE OF OUR DOGS IS MISSING? Judy huffs, "Anyway, they'll be back in a few days."  AS IF TO SAY--WE FEMALES CAN HOLD OUT JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR THE MEN TO RETURN AND TAKE CARE OF US AGAIN BECAUSE WE'RE SO HELPLESS AND WEAK. Judy looks up inadvertently and sees what she thinks is a falling star. This is accompanied by music from THE DERELICT which is not often heard. They speculate. Smith tells them the other spacecraft was larger, "We're suffering a population explosion."  "So we have another visitor,"  Maureen tells them, "After all this planet isn't private property."  Smith suggests they go inside; Maureen heeds him. "Who knows for what diabolical purpose they have come, I won't sleep a wink tonight,"  he turns and sees Maureen and Judy up the ramp and inside the door, "Ahh, wait for me!!!"  He runs inside and the door closes.

 

ACT ONE 

Morning--Smith does exercises at the ramp top. Maureen and Judy (hair tied back in a pigtail) are sitting at the table, telling him good morning. As Smith complains, a gift wrapped box, unseen, floats into camp and lands on a rock. Before it does, Penny (hair down) comes out, tired, yawning. Smith tells them it was too much to ask to leave him in charge, playing guardian to all of them. Robot says, "Correction, one cowardly man and one brave robot."  It is then they see the box, Smith screaming. It lands and they speculate: Smith gasps, "A bomb!"   Robot computes the box and tells them there is no danger. They open it and find perfume. Maureen takes it from Judy, "Here, let me. Oh my, I'd almost forgotten that exquisite aroma."  Penny gives caviar to Dr. Smith. Judy takes out a ham which Robot comments, "A fitting gift for you, Dr. Smith."  Maureen wonders who sent these gifts.  A blast and a golden man appears, gold head cap, pants, and tunic as well as skin. "I did."  Maureen introduces the girls and says, "...and this is, ahh, our Dr. Smith."  The alien tells them he is known as Mr. Keema. "We are living in a very dangerous galaxy."  He tells them kindness is too often betrayed. Maureen tells of the other visitor. Keema tells them the other alien is mean and dangerous, calling the ladies beautiful. Keema tells them he and the other alien are destined to meet, "I am here to fight a war."  Smith gasps, "A war!"  Maureen asks, "You mean this planet is going to become a battle ground for army?"  There is some new music--new to LOST IN SPACE mixed into older music. Keema tells them the leaders of each planet meet on neutral ground to fight, in this way other lives are not taken. Maureen finds that very commendable. Keema tells them a dark, forbidding world of ugly aliens called Zeedams have made demands which are too great. Up to now, Keema's people have appeased the aliens and paid ransom. Smith tells him he doesn't approve of violence but agrees this time. Maureen tells him, "You're, uhm, you're welcome to come by at any time."  Smith adds it is nice to meet an alien with charm and personality as well as handsome looks. Keema blasts away and is gone. Judy comments Keema was very handsome. Penny says, "I don't like him."  She doesn't have a reason except that he is too good looking and golden.

 

Maureen would like to hear the opposing alien's story, "You know there are always two sides to every argument and more often than not the truth lies somewhere in between."  NOTE: This is the most intelligent thing Maureen says in the entire series and is worth remembering by all. War is stupid and senseless and there are two sides (although at times, the other side is as unreasonable as genocide inducing Nazis or religious zealot fanatics out to kill in the name of a higher power!).

 

Maureen and the girls take the gifts inside, not wanting them to go to waste. Smith eats the caviar amid goofy music. Penny, later, goes to the Zeedam space craft. The alien is still not friendly to her and begins to make her leave. She says, "The golden man was right about you."  When he hears the golden man has met her, he wants to talk to Penny, telling her the Zeedam people are not as unreasonable as the golden man would have her believe. Penny says, "Well, then prove it by coming out of your spaceship."  He warns her that she might not be pleased and his appearance would startle her. Penny braves herself up, "I don't care how you look. I've seen strange looking aliens before."  The alien tells her she has been warned. It emerges from the top of the craft--its head only--the head of a giant frog! Penny gasps and makes a face.

 

ACT TWO

Penny tells him she was surprised, that's all. The alien tells her he will meet her face to face now and appears outside. He has a black tunic and robe, green feet--frog like and green claw like hands--also frog like and sports a large rifle laser gun. In his world he is considered extremely handsome. "Yes, I'm sure,"  Penny says but adds to his question of what she expected, "I didn't expect to you to look like this."  She also says, "Oh no sir, I like you much better than the golden man. Why are you going to war with him?"  The frog had just started to take a liking to her but now she has spoiled it by asking about the war and Mr. Keema. She insists sometimes it can take a third person or party to solve a war. NOTE: The alien mouth does not move and its eyes do not blink or move. Other than that major silly point, it is a fairly good mask. When Penny insists about the war solving, the alien waddles off and leaves her to return to his sleep. Penny says, "Ohh."  Smith "helps"  Judy at the hydroponic garden tables; Robot is nearby with a basket and water bucket. Smith tosses away what Judy tells him was a tomato plant. Smith tells her he was into horticulture and as a youth spent summers at his Uncle Thaddeus's farm, winning first prize at the County Fair. Robot adds, "But not the tomatoes."  Smith says, "I refuse to argue the point with a mental midget."  Keema walks into camp and calls Judy, Miss Robinson and pretty. Smith calls him gallant. Judy goes to get mother. Robot accompanies her. Keema calls her charming. Smith complains about the hardships the poor girl has to face, she is really not happy but miserable and a frightened child, "We are all trapped here. I fear we shall never leave this unearthly planet."  Keema suggests they join forces. He can get them off the planet. Smith says, "Go on, sir, you interest me."  If they supply him with extra weapons to outweigh the other alien's, he can have an assured victory and then he will return them to Earth. Smith and he shakes hands. Smith says, "Never fear Smith is here."

 

Night--Smith talks to Judy and Maureen, complaining that they won't agree. Maureen tells him, "We have enough troubles of our own without getting involved in a war we know nothing about."  Judy puffs that when Dad and Don come back in a few days, they can decide. Smith thinks it will be too late. Robot says, "I do not think we should give the golden man any weapons either. We do not know if he deserves to be helped."  Smith continues to work on persuading Maureen, "How many times have you heard your husband say--Since we are living on this planet with these aliens we cannot sit idly by and ignore them."  Maureen cracks and admits she is undecided, perhaps they should give him the weapons. Robot says, "Do not make a decision in haste, Mrs. Robinson."  He suggests he go to Keema's camp to check out his true motives. Maureen thinks that is an excellent idea. As the "jabbering Judas"  as Smith calls the Robot, leaves, Smith tells Maureen, "Mark my words, Madam, you're making a mistake and we shall all suffer for it."  Smith also tells Robot that their friendship is at an end. Robot goes into a double cave area and looks into the further cave (amid FANTASTIC VOYAGE sound effects). Keema is on the radio set up, laughing, "The Earth people are extremely naive and stupid."  He goes on to report soon he will have enough weapons to conquer their enemy and then he will also destroy the Earth people and with their own weapons. Keema sees the Robot hiding and fires his finger at the Robot. A high pitched whine hits the Robot and he is blasted. He also goes insane, spinning, his arms out, saying, "Wheeee!"  and also spouting other nonsense. We hear the Robot music as he calls out, "Dr. Smith, where are you? Dr. Smith, his is my savior, a brave man. Will Robinson! Penny! Two times two equals four. Four time four..."  He spins out of the cave.

 

ACT THREE

Daytime--Judy walks to Dr. Smith who is sitting on a rock, sulking and sad, calling the others Brutus to his Caesar, making Judy feel terrible about it, "I'm sorry, Dr. Smith, really I am."  Smith convinces Judy to help him look for Mr. Keema's campsite according to what Keema told him. The two separate. Judy wanders to an open area and hears creaking sounds pushing up from the ground. Beach ball-like mines push up from out of the sand and circle all around her, surrounding the girl. Many more suddenly appear from thin air around those! Judy calls for Dr. Smith and a mine blows up near her! "Stay back, Dr. Smith! I'm trapped in a mine field!"  Several more mines blow up as Smith reacts. He tells her not to move, he will get help. He runs to camp where Maureen is using the sonic washer machine, "Judy! Judy is trapped in a minefield--she may be blown to bits at any moment!"  Smith takes Maureen back to the area, the two running (quite slowly I might add). Judy whispers, "Mom, shh."  Maureen wants to go to her but Smith says, "We'll both be destroyed!"  Smith holds her arm. Keema appears from behind the rocks and moves to help Judy, "Judy's predicament is all my fault. It never would have happened if I hadn't come here to fight a war."  Keema goes into the area, avoiding the mine balls, getting to Judy, and carrying her out, his foot hitting one of the mines. It moves a bit but he gets her out and back to Maureen who hugs Judy and tells Keema they are grateful. Keema says, "Friends help each other in times of trouble, Mrs. Robinson."  Keema leaves. Smith presses home the point, "Well Madam..."  Maureen will give the guns to Mr. Keema now, "Come on now, let's get back to the spaceship."  When the trio return, the Robot also returns, nutty and spinning and singing. "I compute, you compute, we all compute!"  Smith tries to handle the Robot; Maureen asks about Mr. Keema, "Did you find out anything about him?"  Robot spurts, "About him? About him! Whom are we discussing!?!"  Smith answers but deduces, "He's taken leave of his senses." Maureen and Judy go in to get tools to check the Robot's systems (there's something new!!!). Smith bemoans the Robot, "Alas, poor Robot, I knew him well."  He seems to really feel bad. Robot spins, singing, "Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush."            

 

Penny goes to the Zeedam spaceship. Part of the glass dome section vanishes so she can see the frog man sitting at his console. He was  sleeping. Penny asks if he planted the electronic minefield. The Zeedam tells her that Mr. Keema must be telling the truth since he is too handsome to lie. Zeedam alien also tells her he had nothing to do with mines, electronic or otherwise. Penny is glad and asks him to come to their campsite in the morning. Penny tells him about Judy being in the minefield and the fact that Dr. Smith wants to give Mr. Keema extra weapons. She believes if he tells her mother the truth, she will, too, will believe him. He says, "That is because your heart is innocent and has not yet been injured by deceit and cunning. Goodbye Penny Robinson." 

 

Smith, Maureen, and Judy bring weapons out of the Jupiter II, Smith dropping two grenades and several laser rifles. Judy and Maureen pick those up but Smith drops a neutron bomb at the Robot's tread section. Maureen doubts her hasty decision but Judy tells her she can still change her mind. When Smith tells Maureen Keema saved Judy, Maureen thinks it might have been Mr. Keema himself...a trick to gain their sympathy to give him the weapons. Penny returns and tells them she went to see the little alien (and viewers should feel right in assuming she's just returned--and that it is not the next morning already). As they talk, the frog man waddles into camp amid LOST IN SPACE-FORBIDDEN WORLD music. Smith is mean to the Zeedam even though Maureen tries to stop that, "We must give him a chance to give his side to it."  Robot chides in, still acting silly, "Be gone! Take a powder! Scram!"  When Smith threatens the alien, it raises its gun. Smith runs and the golden man arrives. Judy gasps, "They may start shooting at any moment! We've got to do something!"   Maureen does: she steps in between the two aliens and tells them that this camp is a neutral zone and asks that they both respect that by putting away their weapons. The Zeedam won't even though Keema lowers his pistol (a first season Robinson laser pistol now painted golden). The frog alien says goodbye even though Maureen makes a plea for peace, hoping they can work out their differences and negotiate to avoid a war. Keema snarls, "Nothing would please me more!"  The frog man says, "He knows our terms for peace. They have been stated many times."  Keema yells, "Your demands are unreasonable. We are being forced to wage war!"   The Zeedam says, "And my planet will not change its position in any way."  They both raise their guns again. The frog alien warns the Robinson women and Smith, "Stay within the area of your spaceship. To venture beyond would be dangerous."   He leaves. Maureen says, "It all seems so stupid and senseless. Perhaps I should go after him and try again."  Keema talks her out of it, "I am afraid it is useless, Mrs. Robinson. A state of war already exists."  Robot yells, "War!"  He also says other silly things and goes nuts! He bumps into a hydroponic table, knocking it over. Smith yells, "Oh no! No salad for a month!"

 

ACT FOUR

Robot is strapped onto a vertical table in front of the Jupiter. Maureen has been over the pros and cons of giving the weapons to Mr. Keema. She talks to Smith while she puts some potatoes into the food cooker device on the table. She tells him her womanly intuition tells her something is not quite right. She tells Smith to take the weapons...right back into the Jupiter II and their own arsenal. Maureen takes the lid off the cooker and gets potato chips from it. She takes them inside. Smith decides he will take the weapons anyway, "She'll thank me for this later."  Robot awakens better now, telling Smith if he knows about Keema he will act accordingly. Smith takes the weapons in a cart to Mr. Keema's cave. Night has fallen. Smith sees his hyperatomic cannon, wondering why Keema needs their weapons with such a cannon. Keema tells even that he and his enemy are evenly matched in military power...they each have deterrents against each other's devices. The Zeedam has no defense against the Robinson's weapons (?). NOTE: Part of Keema's cave base includes many devices and one of these is a space station that will appear in CONDEMNED OF SPACE and also in VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA-THE TERRIBLE TOYS. Keema thanks Smith, placing the hand of friendship on the Earth man's shoulder...a red leafy like hand! Smith turns back to look at the real Keema, feeling the monstrous hand. Keema is a misshapen (in human terms) monster! His eyes are not on the same level, his face bumpy and drool covered, his head larger, all bright red and twisted. He tells Smith his plans--to destroy his enemy and then to destroy him and the other members of his party. He tells Smith he would never be friends with something as ugly as an earthling. Smith is sent running back to camp where he turns on the lights and forcefield, relating the tale to the women, who come running out. Maureen orders him to go back and get the weapons, then she goes inside the Jupiter!!?!! Probably to call John and tell him she's helpless again. Maureen has nixed Penny's idea of asking for the little alien's help. Judy tells Smith, "You got us into this and you can get us out, right?"  Penny answers, "Right,"  and pulls Smith by the arm to go warn the alien. Judy, also as helpless as ever, runs back inside the ship, "Mom!"  The war starts as Penny and Smith are en route and blasts hit all around them! Keema and the frog alien fire many blasts at each other and light up the face of the surface of the planet. Penny and Smith run and take cover at sand bags where there are colored lights behind them. These look like Christmas light bulbs--AND IT IS WHAT THEY ARE! The war stops for a moment, Penny telling Smith they can get up now. A metallic device (the collector device of the Taurons from THE SKY IS FALLING) moves at them, stops, and then ejects a small box-like device at them--which Penny suspects is a bomb. Smith throws it, thinking it is a dud--but it blows up after he tosses it. He passes out but Penny manages to bring him out of it. She tells him, "We've gotto get out of here. Crawl! Crawl!"  For some stupid reason, the frog man is out of his spacecraft and a sound of a rocket is heard. He is hit by a blast and falls. Penny and Smith find him hurt. Penny tells him Keema got the neutron bombs from them. Smith, very upset, apologizes, "You were so mean and ugly...I'm sorry."  The frog man tells he is not to be blamed--he acted in a normal manner. He urges Dr. Smith to take Penny away before they, too, are destroyed, "Take her away, Dr. Smith."  Smith has to pull her as she says, "I'm not going to leave you." 

 

Mr. Keema, his monster form, moves up on the frog alien. Smith pulls Penny to a rock but she turns and sees this, yelling to Dr. Smith that they have to do something. Smith yells, "Come along Penny! He'll follow us!"  Penny breaks free and catches the bomb Keema tosses. She throws it to Smith who throws it away...right into Keema. Keema is blasted but it appears that he vanishes before the blast...did he escape? Did he die? Smith faints. The frog alien recovers and changes into a tall, dark, handsome, chiseled jawed human looking man---only his image has changed. Penny says, "You didn't have to change yourself for me, sir, I like you no matter how you look."  He kisses Penny and then blasts off in his spaceship. Penny helps Smith up, "You're a hero, Dr. Smith. You threw the bomb back to Mr. Keema."   Penny looks up as the space rocket goes on up, "I guess you can't judge anybody by appearances, can you, Dr. Smith?"  Smith says, "That's right and I'm certainly glad you learned your lesson."  He pulls a speechless Penny off.

 

Daytime--Maureen, John, Don, Will, Judy, and Penny unload the Chariot. Don and John are in it. Will tells Penny of their travels, "First we saw these trees that moved...they lived on solar energy. Then we saw this mountain made of pure titanium and later this lake that was colored gold. Anything exciting happen around here?"  Penny tells him they has a war; Maureen tells John, "Oh, it was nothing, dear, it was just A SMALL WAR."  Judy laughs, "Hardly anything."   Smith with the Robot comes marching in, Smith training the Robot on military moves, the Robot dressed like a soldier with a belt and laser rifle. Don asks, "Hey Smith, what's with the Robot?"  It is their first line of defense. Smith marches the mechanical man off. The others laugh.      

 

CLIFFHANGER: Smith sleeps under small tent at NIGHT. Will and the Robot are at a large atomic telescope set up. Smith feels a chill in the air and sneezes. He tries to convince Will to return to the spaceship, "The rigors of being a babysitter for a boy astronomer."   Robot tells them the telescope is pointed at the Omega Nebula. Will relates that is only a few thousand light years away and in the Sagittarius constellation. Smith tells Will Sagitarians are cheerful, generous, outspoken and bold. Will moans that is astrology not astronomy. Robot yells, "Warning, Warning!"  Smith calls him a silly sausage but Robot warns of a high velocity solar gale and that its rate of flow is increasing. They should take cover. Smith gasps they might be incinerated. Robot yells as the two run behind rocks, "Danger! Telescope will act as lightening rod attracting solar bolts. Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!"  Sparks hit as blasts engulf the telescope and seemingly the Robot as well. NOTE: The lettering on the usual TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK SAME TIME SAME CHANNEL is dark red so it can be seen amid the white blast and smoke.

 

REVIEW: Yes, the punch line is fairly obvious and moralizing but gentle. What is wrong with morals and morales? This episode has both and teaches something. Of course, Maureen and Judy are almost as helpless as they were in ONE OF OUR DOGS IS MISSING; Maureen almost as indecisive and unthinking. She leaves Smith alone with the weapons--you would think she would know him by now, especially since he took apart all the weapons in ONE OF OUR DOGS IS MISSING. Speaking of weapons, since Smith left some of the Jupiter II weaponry on THE GHOST PLANET (and Don admitted he had to break out the auxiliary hand guns) did the Robinsons make more weapons? How? Did they have spare parts? Dennis Patrick is superb as the golden man while the voice of the frog alien stands out. The one fault with the alien design is the well looking masks do not have any movement to their mouths and eyes. When one of the aliens talks, the voice is clearly coming from under a mask, ruining what effect the masks might have had if they had movable parts. For one, I always thought Keema was a slime, however, looking at this episode, the Zeedam wasn't as nice as one might think. He was certainly not a friendly type early in the episode. Keema was too kiss-up though. Another interesting note is that we never find out what the war is about. Is Keema a Nazi type invading the frog alien world? Or is the frog alien world invading Keema's world? Is Keema invading the frog world at all? Is Keema trying to make demands of the frog aliens? Or is the frog alien making demands of Keema's world? We never find out, not that it mattered to the story. Keema was evil and that was that. But what were the terms of the war? Why did it start? What were the demands for peace? What were the reasons for it? Interestingly THE LAST BATTLE on SPACE: 1999 had two races on opposite side of a sun fighting a war that no one remembered the cause of! The war itself is a spectacular light show that stands out the season's prime action sequence (among a few others). The sound effects also go all out as the war become quite deafening with blasts and firing. NOTE: The dim star (dim as viewed from Earth) Sagittarii in the Sagittarius constellation (in the cliffhanger this week) is also known as the flare star--get it--a solar flare hits as Will was watching this. ANYHOWWWW, After three stand out episodes, WRECK OF THE ROBOT, THE DREAM MONSTER, and THE GOLDEN MAN, we now come to the worst time in LOST IN SPACE, a time of six really BAD episodes in a row ending only with CAVE OF THE WIZARDS. TREASURE OF THE LOST PLANET and THE MECHANICAL MEN which follow but not directly are also pretty awful. LOST IN SPACE NEVER HAD (before and after) SO MANY REALLY BORING, SILLY EPISODES ALL IN A ROW AS THE UPCOMING which began with...